MS-HRC-SB-4-2-2

[0292] ^{other tape on machine, takes envelope from his pocket, mlays it}
other tape on machine, takes envelope from his pocket,
lays it on the table, switches on and begins to record.

[0293] Just been listening to that stupid bastard I was thirty
years ago, find it hard to believe I was ever as bad as
that.[0295] ^(Pause)[0296] The eyes she had![0297] (Broods, realizes he is recording
q^silence, switches off, broods.)[0299] Everything^g there, every-
thing,on earth all the -[0300] (Realizes this is not being re-
corded, switches on.)[0301] Everything there, everything on eart
on earth, all the light and dark and vice and crystal and
sor^rrow and rejoicing of - ^{hunger & feasting crapulence} of...(hesitates)...the ages!

[0302] (Fiercely.) [0303] Yes! [0303|001] The unpardonable ages![0304] (Pause.)[0305] Let that
go![0306] Jesus![0307] Take his mind off his homework![0308] Jesus![0309] (Pause.
[0310] Weary.)[0311] Ah well, maybe he was right.[0312] (Pause.)[0313] Maybe he was
right.[0314] (Broods. [0315] Realizes. [0316] Switches off. [0317] Consults envelope.
[0319] Crumples it r^and throws it away. [0320] Broods. [0321] Switches on.)
[0322] Nothing to say, nothing.[0323] What's a year now?[0324] Reverie and
galloping constipation irreversible constipation.[0326] Revelled
in the word spool.[0327] (Pause.p (With relish.)[0328] Spoool!

[0329] High
light ^{Happiest moment} of the year.[0330] (Pause.)[0331] Seventeen copies sold, of which
eleven in Tanganyika eleven in Tanganyika ^overseas.[0332] Getting known.[0334] One pound
six and something, eight no doubt.[0336] Crawled out once or t
twice, before the summer was over.[0337] Sat in the park in the
middle of the brats and skivvies, dreaming and wishing I
were gone.[0340] Last fancies.[0342] Swore to fight them off.

[0342|001] Aspir-
ations.[0342|002] Resolutions.[0344] Burnt ^Scalded the eyes out of me reading
Effie again, a page a day, with tears again.[0345] Effie...
[0346] (Pause.)[0347] Could have been happy woⁱth her, up there on the
cold sea, and the pines, and the dunes.[0348] (Pause.)[0355] Fanny
came in a couple of times.[0356] B^Bony old whore.[0357] Couldn't do
much, but better than nothing.[0358] The last time wasn't so bad.

[0359] W^How do you manage it, she said, at your age?[0360] I told her I'd
been saving up for her all my life.[0361] (Pause.)[0362] Went to Vespers
p^once, like when I was a child.
[0367] ^{And fell off the pew.} [⁁] Slept. [⁁][0364] ^(Sings.)
[0365] ^{Now the day is over
Night is drawing nigh-igh,
Shadows of the evening,
Steal across the sky.}[0367] ^{Went to sleep and fell off the pew.}[0368] (Pause.)[0369] Sometimesa
wondered in the night if a last effort mightn't -[0370] (Pause.)
[0371] Empty the bottle now and get to your bed.[0372] Finish this pukx^e½
tomorrow.[0373] Or leave it at that.[0374] (Pause.)[0375] Leave it at that.

[0376] (Pause.)[0377] Lie propped up on my back in the dark - and wander.
[0377|001] (Pause.)[0378] Be again in the dingle on a Christmas Eve, picking ^gathering
ho^lly.[0379] (Pause.)[0380] Be again on Croghan on a Sunday morning, in
the snow ^haze, with the bitch, stop and listent to the bells.
[0381] (Pause.)[0382] And so on.[0383] (Pause.)[0384] Be again.[0387] (Pause.)

[0386] All that
old misery.[0385] 5⁽Pause.)[0388] Once wasn't enough.[0389] (Pause.)[0390] Lie down
across he.^r.[0391] (Long pause. [0392] He suddenly bends to the machine,
switches off, wrenches off tape, throws it away, puts on
the other, winds it to the passage he wants, switches on,
listens staring front.)

[0393] - gooseberries, she said.[0394] I said again I thought it was
hopeless and no good going on, and she agreed, without
opening her eyes.[0396] I asked her to ll^ook at me and after a
few moments - (pause) - after a few moments she did, but
the eyes just slits, because of the glare.I bent over her ½

[0397] I bent over her ½