MS-UoR-1227-7-7-1

[0301] all the light and dark of the ... (hesitates)
... ages.[0305] Let that go![0306] Jesus![0307] Take
his mind off his homework![0308] Jesus!
[0309] (Pause.)[0311] Ah well, maybe he was
right.[0312] (Pause.)[0313] Maybe he was right.
[0314] (Broods.[0316] Switches off.[0317] Consults
envelope.[0319] Crumples it and throws it
away.[0320] Broods.[0321] Switches on.)

[0322] Not a goddamn thing to say.[0323] What's a
year now?[0324] Reverie and constipation ^obstipation.
The old trouble. The odd hard stool.
[0331] Seventeen copies sold, one pound
six and something, eight probably.

[0332] xxx Getting known.[0336] Went
out a couple of times ^{once or twice}, in July or
August.[0337] Sat in the park in the
middle of the brats and skivvies,
dreaming & wished ^{and wishing} I were gone.

[0344] Read Effie ^{[ADDITION]Addition on page 18vBurnt the eyes out of me reading Effie} again, a couple of pages
a day, with tears again.[0347] Could
have been happy with her, up there
on the cold sea, and the woods ^pines, and
the dunes.[0348] (Pause.)[0355] Cxxx Fanny
came in a couple of times.[0356] Fat
old whore.[0357] Couldn't do much, but
better than nothing.

[0358] The last time
wasn't so bad.[0359] How do you do it,
she said, at your age?[0360] I told her
I'd been saving up for her all
my life.[0361] (Pause.)[0362] Went to vespers once.^{, like when I was a child.}
[0367] Fast asleep. Slept.[0368] (Pause.)[0369] Days when ^{Sometimes wondered in the night}
I wonder x if a last effort wouldn't ^mightn't -

[0370] (Pause.)[0371] xx Empty the bottle now and
get to bed.[0372] Finish this vomit tomorrow.
[0373] Or leave it at that.[0374] (Pause.)[0375] Leave it
at that.[0376] (Pause.)[0377] Lie propped up on my
back in the dark, and wander.[0378] Be
again in the dingle on a Xmas Eve,
with my nanny, picking xx picking
holly.[0379] (Pause)Walk over ^{Be again on} Croghan on a Sunday

[0380] Walk over ^{Be again on} Croghan on a Sunday
[0370] (Pause.)[0371] xx Empty the bottle now and
get to bed.[0372] Finish this vomit tomorrow.
[0373] Or leave it at that.[0374] (Pause.)[0375] Leave it
at that.[0376] (Pause.)[0377] Lie propped up on my
back in the dark, and wander.[0378] Be
again in the dingle on a Xmas Eve,
with my nanny, picking xx picking
holly.[0379] (Pause)