MS-UoR-2935-3-13

[0001] One night as he sat at g^his table head on hands he saw himself rise and go.
[0002] One night or day.[0003] For when his own light went out he was not left in the dark.
[0004] Light of a kind came then from the one hight window.[0005] Under it still the stool
on which till he could or would no more he used to mount to see the sky.[0006] Why
he did not crane out to see what lay beneath was perhaps because the window was
not made to open or because he could or would not open it.

[0007] Perhaps he knew only
too well what lay beneath and did not wish to see it again.[0008] So he would simply
stand there high above the earth and see through the clouded pane the cloudless
sky.[0009] Its faint unchanging light unlike any light he could remember from the days
and nights when day followed hard on night and night on day.[0010] This outer light
then when his own went out became his only light till it in its turn went out and
left him in the dark.[0011] Till in^t in its turn went out.

[0012] One night or day then as he sat at his table head on hands he saw himself rise
and go.[0013] First rise and stand clinging to the table.[0014] Then sit again.[0015] Then rise
again and stand clinging to the table again.[0016] Then go.[0017] Start to go.[0018] On unseen feet
start to go.[0019] So slow that only cghange of place to show he went.[0020] As when he disappeared
only to reappear later at another place.[0021] Then disappeared again only to reappear
again ^later at another place again.

[0022] So again and again disappeared again only to reappear
again later at another place again.[0023] Another place in the place where he sat at his
table head on hands.[0024] The same place and table as when Darly ^{for example} died and left him.[0025] As
when others too in their turn before and since.[0026] As when others would too in their
turn and leave him till he too in his turn.[0027] Head on hands half hoping when he dis-
appeared again that he would not reappear again and half fearing that he would not.
[0028] Or merely wondering.[0029] Or merely waiting.[0030] Waiting to see ⁽if he would or would not.
[0031] Leave him or not alone again waiting for nothing again⁾.

[0032] Seen always from behind whithersoever he went.[0033] Same hat and coat as of old when he
walked the roads.[0034] The back roads.[0035] Now as one in a strange place seeking the way out.
[0036] In the dark.[0037] In a strange place blindly in the dark of night or day seeking the way
out.[0038] A way out.[0039] To the roads.[0040] The back roads.

[0041] A clock afar struck the hours and half-hours.[0042] The same as when among others Darly
once died and left him.[0043] Strokes now clear as if e^carried by a wind now faint on the
still air.[0044] Cries afar now faint now clear.[0045] Head on hands half hoping when the hour
struck that the half-hour would not and half fearing that it would not.[0046] Similarly
when the half-hour struck.[0047] Similarly when the cries a moment ceased.[0048] Or merely
wondering.[0049] Or merely waiting.[0050] Waiting to hear.

[0051] There had been a time he would sometimes lift his head enough to see his hands.
[0052] What of them was to be seen.[0053] One laid on the table and the other on the one.[0054] At rest
after all they did.[0055] Lift his past head a moment to see his past hands.[0056] Then lay it
back on them to rest it too.[0057] After all it did.

[0058] The same place as when left day after day for the roads.[0059] The back roads.[0060] Returned
to night after night.[0061] Paced from wall to wall in the dark.[0062] The then fleeting dark of
night.[0063] Now as if strange to him seen to rise and go.[0064] Disappear and reappear at another
place.[0065] Disappear again and reappear again at another place again.[0066] Or at the same.

[0067] Nothing to show not the same.[0068] No wall toward which or from.[0069] No table back toward which
or further from.[0070] In the same place as when paced from wall to wall all places as the
same.[0071] Or in another.[0072] Nothing to show not another.[0073] Where never.[0074] Rise and go in the same
place as ever.[0075] Disappear and reappear in another where never.[0076] Nothing to s ^ show
not another where never.[0077] Nothing but the strokes.[0078] The cries.[0079] The same as ever.